helloiloveyou

I dont know what to do anymore. Ive broken down tonight, tears wont stop from falling its just so hard. This situation. My best friend in college will be leaving and moving to another college. Now i cant talk to you because you also have problems you need to handle on your own. I miss you ao much i just need someone to comfort me. This is so hard. I feel like i want to give up on life. Im really trying so hard. Theres so much family problems im into as well and i dont know if i even have the courage to fix them up myself. I love you babe and i wish you are here with me now….. Im trying to be strong, i have been trying to be strong but i dont know if i can take it anymore… Fuck this life im just so mad at myself. And as ironic as it sounds i know that i should be giving up on you as well but i just cant because i love you so much. Forgive me when i always put it all out on you, all the drama and complaints. Im really sorry. My family may seem perfect but its really not i wish i can tell you all the problems but i dont think it will help because you also have all those things going for you. I miss you, i miss the old you i wish youd be like before. Thinking about the times both of us were happy makes me cry because you made me feel so special and i feel like all of its fading away now. I just want to stop moving now i dont want to continue college i just want to sleep forever i dont want to be what i wanted to be before anymore. Its so fucking hard i cant take all these anymore. I want everything back to fucking normal and im just so sad that thats not even possible now. It might be possible again someday but not for me. I just feel so alone again i feel like everyone leaves especially those that have left something big in my life. Every night i pray that He doesnt take away all the people i love but maybe God has his own plans for me, for us. Ive always been dramatic but tonight i feel so different, ive never felt this in my whole life and all i want to do is to just be with you. Even for the last time, i pray that God grants me to see you even for the last time because he knows how much i miss you and how much i love you and how much ive put so much effort just to make this work. Im not saying good bye. But if thats what it takes for everything to fall back into place for you then so be it. I will let you go.

I just wanted to hear it from you that you still love me, that you still care, that nothing will change, that you will still be there no matter what. I just wanted to hear that youre sorry, that youll make it up to me someday, that youll not do the same things again BUT all thos came out from me. All of that, i told you everyday even if it pained me everyitme id say it and you would just ignore it. It hurts me everytime that i still tell you those things and you dont anymore. I feel so stupid for staying but i never regret anything. Love was something i felt even though you failed to show it to me for the past few weeks. It fucking hurts me but im still here because i cant leave you like this, you need me i know you do. I want you to know that i still wont regret all the decisions ive made with you because my life revolves around you now. I wish you could read this because nothing else matters for me now. Im just being strong for both of us. Ill always be here for you ill be the strong one ill tell you everyday that i love you to give you courage. Even though you dont realize how you hurt me, i will still love you because you need someone to be there for you in this time of your life. 12:24am

You asked for 2 days off this relationship and i agreed. I shouldnt have done that because now its killing me. Its been so hard and i dont know what to do about it. I need to prolong my patience because all i want today is for you to just tell me your decision. Ill just have to respect whatever you want. I still love you, it never changed and i guess it will never ever change. Im waiting for your choice, i hope you tell me today. Ive been praying for this relationship to work, i maybe praying for the wrong things but i know He understands because God knows how much effort ive put into this relationship. I miss you and im just so down right now. Youre the only person who makes me so happy but at the same time youre also the reason of this painful sadness. Ever since that day we fought i always thought about you. I tried distracting myself from all the possible things that could distract me but its just not enough because i really cant get you off my mind.. 11:57am

Lord knows what my birthday wish is. Im just praying He gives it to me even for the last time :) i just want to feel how special i am to the ones i love so much. i just want to feel that something ive never felt for the longest time now :)

I woke up from sleeping. I just remembered to thank God and to thank you for being able to make me smile today because of the little things that happened today. We might have fought a little awhile ago, i think it was my fault again and im sorry, but i still thank you for putting up with every little stupid thing i do to initiate our fights. The little things are what keeps me going in this relationship, the time that you called me babe, the fact that your still reply to my texts, i dont care if you replied late sometimes, it still made me smile. What summed up today was the time you said you loved me back, thank you. Ill try to understand you no mattet what, i will always try even if sometimes i fail to show you that i will not give up just because of the misunderstandings we have. Its been hard for me especially these past few weeks, but for us ill try to let things pass. I guess i can put myself to sleep again, i just wanted to be thankful and grateful that youre still here. 11:52pm

All those good days that we had im trying to remember. I want those days back, we were so happy. I cant explain how much happiness i felt during those times. I wish i could turn back time but i need to face reality. The best thing i can do now is to just hope that those days could still be rekindled, to hope that they can still happen again. I will do everything just for those feelings to be back but i guess things really change, and we also change with them. All i can do now is to be thankful that youve made me feel that way. Im still thankful now even if theres more of the pain involved but i know it will all be fine. Things may not be back to how it was before but whats important i guess is the lessons i learned, we both learned in the way. Im praying now an at the same time smiling, asking that God give us another chance to be happy again. All i need to be is to be positive in all the things happening around us. I know that everything will be back to how it was so beautiful before. 11:40pm

I love you and i always will, no matter what. I may not show it, i may be in pain, i may be hurt alot, i may always doubt what we have, i may not feel the love you once made me feel anymore, i will take all the pain because i love you. Your feelings might have changed, You may have changed how you act towards me, Your words might have scarred me, your once lovable and happy mood towards me may not be the same anymore, i will still take in all the pain because i love you. There’s nothing that will ever take away this hurt in me but it’s okay, i’ll still be here for you because i love you. I might not mean everything to you, but its okay (or maybe its not okay now but it will be) because you mean all the world to me. And i would do anything, just about everything i can just to show you how much i love you even with all the pain you might have caused me but ill be here to stay with you no matter what because i love you. I’ll be strong for you, especially in times where you are sad or hopeless. I wont give up on you especially in those times wherein we have those fights. I just need that one thing, i just need to hear that you still care even for just a little because i love you. Ill do anything for you, ill say sorry first for all the fights that we might still have because i dont want to lose you. Ill tell you that i love you everyday because its the truth. Ill do everything i can until that day that we will part, that day that im scared might just be around the corner. That is why im living my life to the fullest, for you, for us so that when that day comes, when we will eventually have to say goodbye to each other, we can still have good memories to look back on, and it will make us realize that what i had for you was real, and im just hoping that youd think that you felt the same way too. 11:29pm

I miss you!! Youre not here in the country now, youre in vacation with your family, youve only been away for two and a half days and i already miss you. I remember that time in january you also had to leave for vacation and i didnt know what to do because i missed you so much. The only difference is that i got to talk to you that time, this time there really isnt any communication, and thats why im dying :)) i remember i had to write you a letter in a site i used to go to, but this time i already have this blog i can write to :)) i cant sleep now and i think its because im thinking about you too much, this whole day all i thought of was you. Not a second passed that i didnt think of you. Crazy :)) i cant wait for you to comeback, cant wait to see you again. Im scared though, i dont know what will happen after that, i hope everything becomes better, i hope you would feel better after your trip. I wish you were here with me, all i want is to just be with you forever :| ill try to sleep now, i hope youre having fun there :) i love you babe :* gooood niiiight. 12:30am

Im sorry i get tired of all these at times. Im sorry i just could not handle the pain i go through sometimes. Im sorry theres just so much things running around my head. Im sorry i cant stop myself from thinking things i shouldnt think. I dont understand myself at times and im sorry. Im sorry because i have to put you through all these with me. Someday ill tell you this in person, just not now. Im guessing you dont remember this blog ive made so i decided to write everything here. All the things i cant tell you in person i try to say here and im sorry. I know youre in pain too with all of your problems. Ill be here dont worry, every time you need someone to be there, ill claim up to that job, because i love you. Sometimes i feel like i say i love you too much, its just because i really really do, to the point where i think that i love you more than you love me. But thats not the point, it hurts sometimes but whats important for me is that i can show you that i love you. I sometimes expect for you to love me that much, for you to make me feel that you need me more than i need you. Im still hoping but not keeping my hopes up too high because i dont want to hurt thats why im just trying to love you and not expecting you to love me as much instead. Im sorry i write too much but thats how i am, i get too emotional at times especially when i hurt. Its been my everyday-thing or my routine to be able to talk to you everyday, and i really am hoping you dont get fed up with what i do, i just got used to talking to you everyday, saying good morning and good night, asking you what youre doing, trying to see if maybe youll be replying to my non stop messages to you, and im saying sorry if ever you get annoyed already. I guess i just cant get enough of you and at this time im not planning to. Awhile ago i wanted to ask if maybe youre tired already, with all this. But i stopped myself because i dont want to cause you another problem. So ill just wait for another time. Im sorry i always tell you that i have alot to ask and tell you whenever we see each other but i end up not saying anything, i just dont get myself. It maybe because i get too excited to see you i just forget everything ive been thinking of. Right now, im trying to remember all the situations weve been through and im smiling. I want this to last forever but we both know thats not possible. I dont want to think about the reason why because it just hurts me more. I love you and even if this will not last much longer, i will still love you. There are things i still dont understand about you but im still trying to. I get too scared that i get paranoid about things and im sorry if i had to put it all up to you, i just wanted that feeling that youll still be there even if i behave that way. I still cant put me to sleep now, im so worried about something i shouldnt be worried about. All i know now is that i miss you. Im scared of the thought that all that we have now would be something that we will just forget some day. Im so mad at myself for having negative thoughts about this relationship we have, whatever this is. But i just cant control myself for thinking it and im sorry. I guess ill just have to sleep this all off. I just want you to know that i love you and theres nothing in this world that means more to me than you. Good night babe 1:23am

I miss you so much. I know that we talk every now and then but i begin to miss you whenever we stop talking for awhile evryday. even if that happens, i want you to know that nothing has changed, i still love you as much as i loved you before. its just that sometimes i cant control myself but i still try not to disturb you in the middle of the day because you might be busy or may be studying as what you would always do. i love you and i just hope that for you, nothing has changed too. im just scared of the idea that you might not be feeling the same as before because of how limited our talks are nowadays. i will always be waiting for you here, ill always be here for you no matter what. we havent talked for the last 3 hours now and believe it or not, i miss you already. cant wait to talk to you again later babe I LOVE YOU

Whatever happened last night was not my intention. I didnt intend to hurt your feelings i was carried away by my emotions and all those things that have happened in the past. i didnt meant to hurt you. All i want now is for everything to go back to normal because for the past few days,all i have been feeling is happiness, i realized that my being paranoid is not going to get me into any good and im sorry. I feel so stupid now, i feel like i ruined eerything for us. And maybe you may not be the same anymore. I hope i see you tomorrow because then i will tell you everything in person. I love you and i dont want that thing that happened last night to destroy what we have. I wish i can tell you this right now but i feel like you might be distancing yourself from me first. It hurts but ill wait patiently because i know youll be back to normal. I will try to fix this i will try to male it up to you. Sorry

Today you said you loved me more. You dont know how that made me feel and how it still makes me feel. You dont know how much it meant to me and how it still means so much to me. I went to church and i was able to pray really hard, I thanked God for this chance we’re having. I know this situation might be wrong but i still thanked him because you dont know how much you make me happy. I told Him that all the time i have the chamce of talking to you, i couldnt be happier. You were the first person I loved like this, and i dont know why it makes me feel this way. This was the first time i ever said i love you to anyone who really meant something to me. And i thank God for that. I wont give up on us. Whatever happens ill be here for you. So i hope you cheer up for me because theres nothing worse than me seeing you sad like this. I know youre strong babe i love you